If your pain-in-the-butt older sister gets a ride home from school with her friends and you’re on the bus, who gets home first? The bus leaves five minutes before sister et al leave the parking lot. The bus averages 35 miles per hour. Your sister’s friend drives 45 mph in a 35 mph zone. Your house is 3.2 miles from school. The bus stops 6 times before your stop, and each stop takes forty-five seconds. Your sister and her friends make a pit stop at QT for junkfood which takes 4 minutes. Who gets home first to eat the last cupcake?
Maureen will be signing Hainted Love at Barefoot in the Park. Come see her and get a cool Ghost Handler temporary tatoo. Just sayin’.
The 7th Annual Barefoot in the Park Festival of Fine Arts, Performance, and Flavors
Book Bistro presented by the Gwinnett County Public Library
Sunday, May 8
West Lawrenceville Street
Duluth Town Green
Dad is mom’s designated driver for two New Year’s Eve parties. Mom weighs 150 pounds, and she consumed a high fat dinner at home before drinking three glasses of Asti Spumante at each party she attends. Each serving of champagne is 5 ounces. In general people metabolize alcohol at the rate of 5 oz per hour. Mom and Dad stayed at Party Number One from 8:30-10:23 p.m. They arrived at Party Number Two at 10:45 p.m, where promptly donned bright metallic hats and rang in the New Year. Mom and Dad returned to their humble abode at 1:14 a.m.. Before slipping between the sheets, Mom downed one eight ounce glass of water with two ibuprofen tablets. How many pancakes and sausage links does Mom eat at 8:30 a.m. when her perky youngest daughter decides to surprise her with breakfast in bed?
Word to the less-than-wise: If you want to stay on yourparents’ good side, smile in your school photo AND don’t go for thei whole cyclops look. You know, the hair covering one eye. Yeah, my sister Audrey made that mistake. Guess what we’re having to do now? A family Christmas portrait because Mom won’t mail out the individual pictures since she says Audrey chose to look like a cyclops.
Why, you may ask, am I done with “I’m Done”? Here’s my problem. The people who use this expression don’t mean it. When people say, “I’m done,” they really mean “I’m almost done.” It’s become a warning, which if you think about it, takes the teeth out of the expression.
I suppose few people other than polka lovers know that June is National Accordion Month. Even though I’m more into bluegrass than polka music, I’d like to share this little ditty with you.00074302
I love grilled food so much that I decided I’d see if I could come up with something for each letter of the alphabet.
Drummettes (also chicken)
Jalapenos (in salsa)
Okra and Tomatoes
As you can see I had trouble with I, U, and X. What’s your favorite grilled food?
Okay, maybe it’s just me, but I’m kind of offended that Kotex thinks that putting tampons and pads in a black container and having the tampon and sanitary pad wrappers in bright colors is going to make me and other teens and tweens want to buy their products. I have no doubt that it works with some people, but it’s irritating. Here’s why. The new Kotex U packaging says what matters in this world is the packaging rather than the product. The outside is more important than the inside—not exactly what parents and teachers have been drilling into our heads since preschool.
For the record, I think the Kotex U sarcastic commercials are funny. But again, isn’t that more of the packaging? The company is saying if you want to be cool you’ll use our product. By the way, the wrappers end up in the trash. I’d be more impressed with biodegradable wrappers than neon colors.
Some neighborhood pools don’t have diving wells these days. But ours does. Yay, me! On this hot, lazy Sunday, I thought I’d share my favorite things to do in the diving well besides playing Sharks and Minnows.
The Classic Dive. A dive (with no fancy somersaults) is of the few things in life I can do without embarrassing my older sister. The smaller the splash—the greater the finesse.
The Cannonball. Big splash equals big applause. Remember to close your nose, though. Few things are more painful than a ton o’ chlorinated water flooding your sinuses.
The Jackknife. My dad taught me this. Hold one bent leg against your chest, point the other leg downward. It looks pretty, but the splash is meh.
Bellyflops didn’t make my cut. As someone with hypersensitive skin, the last thing I want to do is hit the water flat at a high rate of speed.
What do you like to do at the pool?